What is ADHD?

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders) is a neurodevelopmental disease known as attention deficit disorder, most often manifested by increased restlessness, attention deficit disorder and impulsivity. It affects around 5-8% of the population. It is most often diagnosed at a younger school age - children with ADHD are like snakes' tails, they have difficulty concentrating on learning and completing tasks, they may also have difficulties respecting rules and authorities.

In earlier times, ADHD tests were not performed as often as they are today, so a portion of adults with the disorder may go undiagnosed. If you suspect ADD or ADHD in your partner, there are free online ADHD tests available on the Internet. If the test comes out positive, it is appropriate to visit a specialist psychologist or psychiatrist who deals with the diagnosis of ADHD and ADD.

A diagnosis of ADHD can be liberating for a person with this disorder and for those closest to them. Thanks to the realization that difficulties at work or in relationships are not caused by their nature, bad upbringing, laziness or incompetence, but by different functioning of attention mechanisms.

What are the manifestations of ADHD in adulthood and in relationships?

As you get older and the nervous system matures, the problems resulting from ADHD often lessen, but usually do not disappear completely. People with ADHD are often blamed by their family and loved ones for unreliability, impatience, forgetfulness, disorganization, chaos and short-circuiting. Even in adulthood, people with ADHD can have problems with concentration and attention - they have difficulty concentrating on a conversation, they can jump into people's speech, they forget meetings and agreements, they lose and look for things, they seem chaotic and they can have difficulty getting things done, organizing get work done or complete tasks.

Impulsive tendencies in adults with ADHD can manifest as impatience, hasty decisions, short-circuited reactions, thoughtless purchases, or emotional lability and mood swings. According to psychologists, compared to the rest of the population, people with ADHD are more likely to engage in antisocial behavior, alcohol or drug abuse. Some studies also report less stability in partner relationships and higher divorce rates.

However, this does not mean that people with ADHD cannot be suitable partners for life. If you have just met or are already living with an ADHD partner, learn to work with the challenges that accompany you and make communication more effective. If there is will on both sides, the relationship can be fulfilling and harmonious despite the many challenges.

How to solve the most common challenges?

Open and clear communication

Share your needs and feelings openly. A partner with ADHD may have difficulty maintaining attention during a conversation in the normal daily hustle and bustle. This can be interpreted by the other party as ignoring or neglecting. Avoid being distracted by anything during the call - the TV, radio, noise from the children's room... Talk openly about what is bothering you and what needs to be worked on. You will avoid unnecessary conflicts or disappointment from unfulfilled expectations.

Instead of general phrases like "I need more attention", speak in concrete examples - "it would be great if we set aside half an hour every day that would be just ours".

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Clear division of tasks

Set priorities together and divide the tasks that need to be done. People with ADHD may have difficulty with forgetfulness and organization of work, and therefore may appear unreliable. Unfinished repairs, clutter, unpicked laundry from the dry cleaners… All of this can be frustrating in a relationship with a partner with ADHD.

Agree on which tasks need to be completed first and agree on deadlines. Notes on your mobile phone, apps or good old paper notes that will be in a visible place can help. If your partner still forgets something, be patient. Try to talk about why the original solution didn't work and what would help your partner complete the task.

Awards and recognition

Promote a positive atmosphere in the relationship and make your partner feel appreciated. Appreciate even the small successes and efforts of your partner. Keep in mind that even small changes in your partner's life require a lot of effort on his part, and it will most likely be a long haul.

Empathy and patience

Impulsive actions of a partner, thoughtless comments, outbursts of anger or hasty decisions can be hurtful and often lead to conflicts in the relationship. It's important to recognize that this behavior is related to ADHD, and it's likely that your partner isn't acting this way with the intention of harming you. It doesn't have to mean a lack of love and interest from your partner either. Patience, empathy, understanding, open communication and forgiveness... These are all important attributes that will help strengthen your bond with each other.

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Joint search for solutions

Forget about regrets and accusations. Your partner may be just as frustrated as you are by the difficulties of being diagnosed with ADHD. Rather, focus on finding a solution that will suit both. You can also seek the help of a therapist or coach who can bring you a different point of view and help you find a way out.