We often form our opinion of a person based on the first impression they leave on us. According to experts, our brain puts a person in a box within the first few seconds, creating the so-called halo effect. The box we put a person in is usually determined by their demeanor, appearance, gestures, or social status. People often tend to judge a person "at first sight", which can be a big mistake, according to psychologists. We often reject people with whom we could create strong and fulfilling relationships. How to avoid being put in a box and being judged on a first date and speed dating?
The "halo effect" influences our decisions more than we think
When we form a first impression, the patterns we bring with us from childhood and family often play a role. Many stereotypes are also created by the society and culture in which we live. The halo effect was first described in 1920 by the American psychologist Edward L. Thorndike. He observed military officers and their subjective evaluations of subordinates. They considered people with a more attractive appearance and a taller or more muscular build to be more intelligent and capable than others. Their evaluation was thus influenced primarily by first impressions and physical appearance.
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Education does not determine a person’s value
Education plays an important role in a person’s life. However, it is often overestimated. For example, if you grew up in a family full of doctors or university-educated people and you yourself have a degree before your name, or even after your name, you may subconsciously perceive a person who has “only” a certificate of apprenticeship or basic education as less compatible. However, the number of schools graduated or the number of degrees is not decisive for the quality of the relationship. People from different backgrounds can bring new perspectives to the relationship and enrich it. However, you will miss out on this opportunity if you automatically judge a person with a different education as incompatible.
Appearance is not everything
Appearance is usually the first thing you notice about another person. However, judging by appearance may not always be worth it. What good is a beautiful face or figure if you have nothing to say to the other person and nothing in common? Even if your counterpart seems rather ordinary to you and your knees don't buckle when you first meet, you can discover mutual sympathy.
Sometimes you realize that you are attracted to something deeper in the other person than physical beauty. It can be a sense of humor, kindness, charisma or even the ability to listen. If you have something to talk about and the other person is nice to you, try giving them a second chance. On the next date, you may discover their hidden charm and the spark will fly.
Chemistry can come later
Many people believe that the spark has to fly on the first date. In reality, however, love and mutual attraction can develop gradually. If you ask couples you know, you might find that many of them didn’t experience love at first sight. Some relationships start slowly, but in the future, these couples can experience deep love, even though they didn’t feel attracted to each other from the first meeting. Over time, two people can come to understand each other, share values, interests, and goals. Infatuation and attraction can come later. Throwing away the opportunity for a serious relationship just because there’s no strong chemistry from the start can be a big mistake.
Nervousness can play a role
People can be nervous on a first date, especially if meeting new people isn’t their hobby. A nervous person may stutter, stutter, sweat, or even blush, which doesn’t make a good impression. Nervous introverts can come across as cold and withdrawn. Extroverts, on the other hand, may bombard you with questions or try to diffuse their nervousness with inappropriate humor. In reality, however, they may be easygoing people who are overcome by shyness or nervousness.
First impressions may not be the only criterion
While first impressions are important, they should not be the only criterion. In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to jump to conclusions. But sometimes it's worth slowing down and giving someone a second chance. Appearance or nervous behavior on a first meeting may not always indicate a person's true nature. If you find something nice about your partner and have found something in common that you can build on, consider a second chance. You may eventually find that you are both on the same page and are a good match for each other.
Getting to know another person, their character, values, hobbies, and desires takes time. If the spark doesn't fly on the second date, but you are comfortable together, stay in touch. You may make a new friend or eventually fall in love. But you should always be honest with the other person. Tell them your feelings and don't leave them in doubt. If your paths eventually diverge, don't despair. Next time you'll be more certain about the kind of partner you need by your side.
Getting to know each other is no problem in the modern world. Choose the date of your next date.
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