Shared values are the foundation of a strong relationship

If you and your life partners share the same view of important values, such as family, health and lifestyle, work, or faith, you have a better chance of building a relationship that will stand on solid foundations and survive many crises.

Know yourself and your values

Incompatibility in the area of values and life direction is a common reason why people fail to find the right one or the right one and why they find themselves in a cycle of endless relationships and breakups. Perhaps you have never thought about what your values are and what kind of partner you need by your side - many people choose a partner primarily based on likes and mutual chemistry.

Before you start looking for a life partner, try asking yourself a few questions:

• What is really important to you in life?
• What do you expect from life and from a relationship?
• What would you never give up?
• What makes you the happiest?

Write down the answers on paper and try to think about - what qualities and attitudes should a partner have in order to share these values with you? This will help you better understand when someone is truly compatible and when it is more like superficial sympathy. By creating such a "values map", you will gain an internal compass that you can use to orient yourself when dating. The next time you go on a date, you'll find it easier to decide whether it makes sense to invest time and emotions in this relationship.

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Bring up the topic on the first date

Don’t be afraid to bring up the topic of values on the first or second date. This will help you quickly find out if you’re both on the same page and are working towards the same goals in life. Are you worried that your conversation will be awkward or even awkward? Don’t worry! You can communicate your values in a completely natural way.

How to do it?

Talk about what you enjoy and find fulfilling, about your dreams and goals:

“I enjoy nature trips and traveling. What do you like to do?”
“My career is important to me in my life. But I would like to start a family and have my own house outside the city someday. And what are your dreams?”

You may encounter fundamental differences
Different values and life goals can bring tension, discord, and gradual alienation into a relationship. Finding a compromise on these fundamental issues is not easy.

There's the rub!

The most common sources of tension in a relationship are differing views on:

• finances (e.g. one partner spends excessively, the other wants to save more),
• parenting (e.g. one wants children, the other does not plan them at all),
• leisure activities (active life versus the need for peace and domestic comfort),
• faith or spirituality (religious versus atheist),
• relationship to the environment (ecological lifestyle versus consumerism)
• career and work commitment (career ambitions versus the need for work-life balance).

Try to look at your relationship from a long-term perspective – imagine what your life together could look like in five, ten or twenty years. Will you be able to make important decisions together? Can you accommodate each other on key issues such as a place to live, starting a family, getting married, how to raise children, financial planning or lifestyle?

When should you be more careful?

If you have thoughts of…

• giving in to your own beliefs,
• thoughts that one of you will change.

Although love is a strong feeling, it can lose its strength over time if it is not supported by shared values and goals. Problems arise especially in times of crisis or important life milestones.
You don’t need to be exactly the same in everything – but it is good to be on the same page in essential matters. Shared values bring deep understanding, trust and long-term fulfillment to a partnership.

Be open, honest and don't play games

And the final piece of advice? Be open and honest during dating – don't try to please and please your partner at all costs. Are you afraid that you would turn your partner off with an honest answer? Unfortunately, that sometimes happens too – but try to think about how you would feel in the long term in a relationship based on pretense? Sooner or later the truth would come out anyway – no one can stand to pretend for the rest of their lives.

You don't want children and you don't plan on having them in the future? Say it straight. Do you prefer spending time with smart technology than on trips in nature? You don't want a house in the country, but you are happy with an apartment in the city? Then be honest and fair. You will save yourself unnecessary suffering in the future.

You would not feel good in the long term in a relationship based on pretense. Also, avoid harsh criticism, moralizing, or imposing your own values when you have different opinions – whether your differences are about faith, lifestyle, career, or family, respect their different perspectives. Ultimately, it's up to you to find a common ground on these issues.

Increase your chances of a successful meeting

Shared values are the foundation of any deep and lasting relationship. If you know what is important to you and are not afraid to talk about it, you have a much better chance of finding a partner with whom you can form a strong bond. Authenticity, openness and the courage to share yourself are the keys to allowing the other person to truly know and love you for who you really are.

Don’t be afraid to be yourself – and don’t be afraid to search. Maybe you have a history of disappointment, maybe you are used to adapting to “fit in”. But a relationship where you can allow yourself to be truly authentic is liberating and healing.

The good news is that today there is no need to stay in toxic relationships just to avoid being alone. There are many ways to meet in the modern world – even at one of our speed dating evenings, where you can meet your soul mate. Because somewhere out there, someone is waiting for you who wants to walk in the same direction in life as you. Wouldn't it be a shame to miss it?