Why are men (not) attracted to smart women?

"Sexy brain" is in vogue

In the past, the prevailing opinion in society was that men prefer graceful female curves rather than smartness. However, modern researches bring different conclusions. According to a study by scientists from Northwestern University in Innsbruck, in countries with a higher level of gender equality, such as the USA and Finland, the number of men who prefer intelligent and educated women in serious relationships is growing. Youth and beauty thus remain on the lower positions of the preference list.

Intelligence and education is sexy in the modern world, be it men or women. While in countries such as Korea, Turkey and Arab countries, youth and beauty still win, in the developed world not only a beautiful but also a smart woman who has her own career, can earn money, has a general overview is considered ideal for long-term relationships and can converse on a variety of topics.

Research by anthropologist Helen Fisher confirms that men love the "sexy brain" in women. In a sample of 5000 men, 87% of them would want to date a smart and educated woman who makes more money than them. 86% said they are attracted to women who are confident and self-assured. It doesn't matter though...

Vanity and feeling threatened

Although modern men find smart women sexy, in real life a relationship with very successful and intelligent women is a big challenge for them. According to Fisher, their masculinity and ego suffer if their partner is more successful and intelligent. When faced with reality, they often find that smart women are actually less attractive than they thought.

It's like a man going on a date with a woman who likes chess, Sudoku, and other puzzle games just like him. At first glance, it seems that they will get along wonderfully. However, when a woman beats him in every discipline, he goes home like a pissed off dog and probably won't call her again.

Psychologists say that men need to feel a certain superiority over women, and therefore some may prefer partners who are less intelligent or less educated than themselves. They feel like a fish in water when they can advise their partner, teach her, and thus show her that they have the upper hand.

Fear and low self-confidence

Sometimes a man's desire for a smart and successful woman runs into the barriers of his self-confidence. Some men do not know how to conquer a woman who is successful and smart. They often lose courage and prefer not to even ask her out. Men find these women unavailable and distant. This is often the reason why even beautiful, intelligent and successful women are single.

Manipulation and dropping as a defense

If a man feels threatened in a relationship and his ego suffers, he may resort to counterattack and defend his territory. A common tool used by vain men is manipulation. Exaggerated criticism, putting down, mocking, humiliating... This is a tactic of manipulators to maintain their imaginary superiority and reduce the self-confidence and self-worth of the victim. "You can't understand this... Shut up and watch me do it... The guys are having fun now... Have you failed to clean up again...?" these are typical phrases of manipulators who have only one goal - to hit the victim in the most vulnerable place and make him doubt his abilities, qualities or intelligence.

TIP: How to recognize a manipulator in a relationship and how to resist manipulation?

It is not surprising that women who live alongside a manipulator often experience depression, anxiety or low self-esteem. If you live with a person who insults, humiliates or excessively criticizes you, strongly oppose such behavior. The cause of the manipulation is often low self-esteem or intergenerational behavior patterns. The manipulator does not even have to be aware of the negative effects of his behavior - he himself may have experienced a similar style of communication or humiliation in his family or close surroundings and considers these destructive patterns to be normal. The solution is open communication or couples therapy. If the manipulator hardens in its position, then the only thing left is the separation. Life with a manipulator sooner or later becomes unbearable and can leave an indelible mark on you. Therefore, it is necessary to act quickly and decisively.

On one wave

Are you unlucky with partners who appreciate your intelligence or education? Maybe you're just dating in the wrong places. Try speed dating for college students or speed dating for the successful and demanding, where you will meet people who do not consider intelligence, a great career or success in life to be an obstacle. During one evening, you will personally meet up to 10 single men who are looking for a serious relationship. All this discreetly, in a fun way and without the lengthy correspondence that you may know from internet dating sites. In the end, you decide for yourself who you liked and who you want to see again. If the sympathies are mutual, the moderator will exchange your contacts after the end of the evening. Choose the date of your fateful date.