Why (not) compromise in a relationship?

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They say a relationship is about compromise. Long-term relationships really cannot do without small concessions and the search for viable solutions. When are compromises still part of a healthy relationship, and when are you moving over the edge? Find out in which situations it is good to stand your ground and not back down from your positions.

Compromise? Yes, but…

If two people love and respect each other, they try to find a compromise in the relationship - a common point where both will be satisfied. Compromise should not be a concession to satisfy your partner and stop an argument. If you give in just to make your partner happy, even if you internally disagree with the solution, you are setting yourself up for relationship problems in the future. Especially if this pattern keeps repeating itself. Over time, giving in to your partner's wishes and needs at the expense of your own happiness can turn into dissatisfaction in the relationship, loss of your own identity, anxiety or depression.

Compromise when you feel good about the proposed solution. There should be no winners or losers in a healthy relationship. Of course, it is not true that sometimes you cannot satisfy the other even at the price of your own small concession. When your partner cares so much about something and wants it so much, out of love for him, you may step back from your position every now and then if his partner's happiness puts a smile on your face. So instead of going on vacation to the Canaries, you'll go to a mountain cottage this year. However, you should not feel negative thoughts - guilt, fear, anxiety... If you retreat from fear, it has little to do with love.

4 situations where compromise is a dead end

Different ideas about the future

Do you want children, but your partner definitely does not feel like starting a family in the next few years, or does he not want children at all? Or do they long for a house with a garden, while you are a purely urban type and cannot imagine life in the countryside? Do you want to pursue a career, but your partner sees you as more of a homemaker? In these cases, you probably won't find a common compromise in which you will both be satisfied. In short, either-or situations cannot be resolved by compromise.

Discounting your life values or ideas about the future does not pay much in this case. Sooner or later, a feeling of dissatisfaction will probably arise, which will eventually be reflected in your cohabitation as a partner. From there, it's just a step to parting. Mutual agreement in values, life attitudes and ideas about the future is absolutely crucial for a healthy and harmonious relationship.

Different views on fidelity

Love and the view of loyalty can take many forms. The question of infidelity is not as clear-cut in modern society as it used to be. Do you agree on what is right for you, or is it off limits? How do you view casual flirting, exchanging tickling text messages with other men or women, or polyamory? A relationship between a romantic soul, for whom loyalty to one partner is everything, and a believer in polyamory can hardly work. Approaching out of love for your partner to a different model of fidelity than the one you profess in your heart is the road to hell. There is nothing worse than worrying and being consumed by jealousy for the rest of your life.

TIP: Polyamory: Infidelity or modern-day open relationship?


When it comes to addiction – be it to alcohol, drugs or porn, it is not advisable to compromise. Addictions need to be treated. If the addicted person refuses help or downplays their problems, there is nothing you can do. Excusing or tolerating his actions, which harm not only his health, but also your relationship, is the road to hell.

Domestic violence and psychological terror

Beating, physical violence, manipulation, humiliation or psychological abuse do not belong in a balanced relationship. Don't be lulled in by promises that it won't happen again, or intimidated by threats, reprimands, or accusations. Forget the compromises in this case. End a toxic relationship where it doesn't go far to face or psychological abuse before you have a mental breakdown.

Way out of a dead end? Deliberation

If you have had several failed relationships in which one of the 4 situations keeps repeating itself, try to think about why you come across similar counterparts with the same pattern of behavior and what attracts them to your life. Write down on paper what is important to you in life and what you expect from your life partner. Also work on your confidence and self-esteem.

TIP: Ideal Partner: 7 characteristics that will reveal that you are dating the right one

When you meet a new partner, don't jump into a relationship immediately, but try to think about his perspective first. Do you have similar ideas about the future? Do you agree on loyalty and life values? How is your counterpart doing with alcohol and drugs? Don't compromise your demands and ignore warning signs just so you're not alone.

One of the possible reasons why you are not able to find an ideal partner can also be dating in inappropriate places. Acquaintances from bars, pubs, alcohol parties, but also online dating sites can be problematic. The virtual world gives more room for lies, pretense and falsehood. Try more serious forms of dating next time, such as speed dating. The advantage of speed dating is not only the speed of getting to know each other, but also safety, anonymity, seriousness and discretion. In 1 evening you will meet up to 12 counterparts who are single and long for a serious relationship. You will also be enchanted by the pleasant atmosphere of the dating evening, which will melt away your worries, fears and shame.

Autor: Jakub Žwak