Dating after divorce

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Dating after divorce: How to prepare for the first meeting and what to talk about?

Even if you have a painful divorce, don't close yourself off from other relationships. Love, trust and intimacy belong and are an integral part of life, whether you are twenty or seventy. Dating after divorce can be difficult at first. You may have a lot of questions and concerns running through your head - what to talk about, what topic to choose for discussion, and what about sex on the first date? Read on to get ready for a date and get back in the saddle. It will be really worth it!

Wait until you are ready

There is no universal rule for when to start dating after a divorce. Some feel ready after a few months, others need more time. If you don't feel ready for a new relationship yet, take your time. Give yourself time to grieve, close all the traumas you have experienced and forgive yourself and your counterpart.

Think positive

After a difficult breakup, you may be worried and unsure if you can trust someone again. Especially if you have experienced a lot of arguments, misunderstandings, or even physical or psychological abuse in your relationship. Also remember that every person is unique and so is every relationship. It would be a shame to throw all men and women in the same bag. Even if you were unlucky the first time, the same fate may not befall you again. There are many men and women in the world, and somewhere among them is your soul mate.

Trust that dating after divorce can be the start of something new and exciting. In addition, thanks to the previous relationship, you have the opportunity to learn from previous mistakes and start again and better this time. Do you find it difficult to overcome past traumas and work to restore trust in relationships? Don't be alone in this difficult life situation, seek the help of a therapist.

Don't make excuses for the kids

If you have children with your ex-partner, it is important to take their needs and emotions into account. But this does not mean that your role in life will be limited to that of a parent. You don't have to choose between the role of father or mother and partner. You can easily have both. You can also establish a new, loving and strong relationship with your children. However, proceed with caution when introducing a new counterpart to children. Invite home only a person with whom you are serious and you are looking at a serious relationship and a joint future on the same page. There is nothing worse for children than having a new "uncle or aunt" at home every month.

If you feel you have met your soulmate, don't be put off by the children's initial resistance. Some children may not be thrilled with their new partner. However, this does not mean that you have to give up on the relationship. Give the children time to adjust to the new situation and don't push the saw.

Don't repeat the same mistakes

Some people tend to attract the same types of personalities into their lives over and over again. Be careful when looking for a new partner - avoid all toxic and pathological personalities, alcohol or drug addicts, gamblers, people who are in debt everywhere they go, and immature single moms. You will not be lucky with a toxic partner. Go with your gut, if a red light comes on in your head, don't ignore it! Choose a new love not only with your heart, but also with your mind.

TIP: A manipulator in a relationship: How to recognize a manipulator and how to avoid manipulation?

Go among the people

Even though you may feel miserable after the divorce and you are suffering from spleen, don't shut yourself up between four walls. Go with friends to the cinema, to an exhibition or perhaps to a party. If you are ready for a new relationship, you can try a modern form of dating - speed dating, where you can meet several people face to face in one evening. You'll have fun, make new contacts, and who knows, maybe you'll even meet the love of your life. You can visit a special dating evening for divorced parents with children, or other themed evenings for singles.

Avoid faux pas and missteps

It's probably been several (dozens) years since you last went on a date. And so you are probably asking yourself: What to talk about with a girl or a boy? How to strike up a conversation if you don't know each other at all? What to wear? Who will pay the cost? What about a kiss and sex on the first date?

Before your appointment, get ready – wear clean clothes and linen, take a quick shower and brush your teeth. Therefore, it is better not to arrange a date immediately after work, so that you have enough time for hygiene and changing clothes. Choose clothes that are comfortable and proportionate to the place where you and your partner are going to go. Don't go to the theater or a fancy restaurant in ripped jeans and a pulled T-shirt. Do not take evening dresses and stilettos for a walk or trip.

Topics for discussion will usually arise on their own. You can talk about your hobbies, how you like to spend your time, where you go on vacation, what you like to read or what movies you watch. Try to be positive and therefore avoid conversations about your complicated past or present and about your exes - do not gossip or discuss the peppery details of your relationship. Let the past be the past and focus on your future. Politics, sexual preferences or your medical problems are not suitable topics for a first date. Last but not least, listen, don't jump into the other person's speech and don't lead a monologue.

If during a meeting you notice that the conversation is stalling, or it is obvious that you and your counterpart are not on the same page, simply end the date politely. It didn't work out once, it will work out a second time.

TIPInstructions for men: How to behave on a date?

When it comes to kissing or having sex on a first date, there is one rule. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If you don't feel up to it yet, don't force yourself into anything. On the other hand, there is no clear rule regarding the payment of expenses. The man can offer to pay the expense, and it is also possible to pay the bill in half.

Autor: Jakub Žwak